... and then the road came out of nowhere

Sometimes I watch Teagan leap gracefully from my furniture, nimbly walk along the post fence, and run without tripping, and wonder...
Where the hell did she get that from? I'll admit it; I am probably THE clumsiest person. Ever. I'm so clumsy, things that should make me klutzier actually have a reversed effect on me. Because it is impossible for me to get any less graceful. Take pregnancy for example. I'm like a friggen ballerina the moment I conceive. A very pukey, kill-me-now-I'm-so-tired, whiney ballerina, but a ballerina nonetheless. I actually catch things. YES, AMAZING I KNOW. I can put my shoes on without falling over. And I can walk without damaging much needed appendeges.
I've decided that I'm having at least 20 kids. I'd rather exit this world in the drama of childbirth when my body finally has it than die from blood loss because I tripped into a stopped vehicle and sliced my artery on a Arizona license plate. Why Arizona, you ask? Cuz those damn license plates always do look... sharp. Minnesota plates are all wore down from salt. Arizona ones.. they are like razor blades having never been ravaged by an actual winter.  Machetes. Thirsting for my blood.
Ok, no more coffee for me!

So I'm walking. OH MY GOD. Yes, scary I know. Seriously, how DARE I walk? Who DOES that anyway?

So I'm walking, and just barely trip. Barely. It didn't even slow me down. I felt my toe scrape across the pavement, but completely ignored it. I mean, a scraped toe? PUH-LEASE. Not even worth a look, right?

Except that a scraped toe in my world equals OMG I THINK I NEED A BLOOD TRANSFUSION. It was ridiculous the amount of blood that came out of my body through the scrape. On my toe. Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh.

So, with my toe stinking to my crocs (yes I wear crocs. And yes, I acutally wore them in public. With jeans and a respectable shirt. And the crocs are ORANGE. Oh the horror!) I walked into the public health office. And for some reason, I found this completely humorous.

Anyways, after having my heart restarted and a blood transfusion done, I threw a bandaid on the damn toe and forgot about it.
Well, for a few hours anyway.
When I got home later, my toe started to whine a bit. Nothing I couldn't handle. I specialize in working with whiny-ness, let-me-tell-you. So I ignored it, cuz that's what you do with whining. Ignore it.

After... 20 seconds of this whining, it got louder. And louder. And then all the sudden... I couldn't think. I couldn't type. I couldn't read. I couldn't watch t.v. And I couldn't talk straight.  Who knew that your brain functions are directly linked to toe health? Huh.

So I finally took the damn bandaid off and paid attention to the little whiner. And realized that my little scrape had turned into a nasty infection.
Seriously? Seriously. Seriously!
*sigh*
I cleaned it up, and it is doing fine now, thanks for asking.
(Of freaking course it is... it was JUST A SCRAPE! Infection should never be an issue with JUST A SCRAPE. I'm pretty sure my body hates me.)

So, toe crisis over, I return to my daily activities... like cleaning my fridge. OMG NO SHE DIDN'T. Yes, how DARE I clean my fridge? Who DOES that anyway?
I get the big glass shelf out of my fridge, and clean it up so it's nice and shiny. Kind of like an Arizona licence plate.
See where I'm going with this?
And as I'm putting it back into my fridge, I drop it a bit. On the inside of my ankle... the corner of the glass stabbing right into it.
And it hurt. Really. bad. And it required me to look at it, unlike my toe.  And I did. And it looked fine. Just a small dent, a small bruise. In a few seconds, the pain subsided considerably, and I went about my business once again. But as the day progressed, my ankle started to swell. And hurt. A lot.

And so I'm going into the doctor tomorrow. Lovely. All because I cleaned my fridge.