12:19 and all's well..........

Ack I'm tired. I'd like to sleep but I have too much on my mind. I finished some e-mails, gave the blog a new look, and read a few articles online... and now I'm blogging.

The events of the day? Well... Teagan cut her toe open. Again. I broke the glass part of my blender... It didn't shatter, or so I thought. It looked like I just cracked the glass, and being it was thick it didn't smash into a million pieces like every other glass thing that hits my concrete floor. So I just picked it up and threw it in the garbage, not bothering to sweep.
I also ended up with glass in my foot. Except my mommy can't see like she used to... leaving me to pull out my own pet shard and nurse my gaping wound all on my own.

Teagan did so many funny things today. However, I can't remember any of them. Why? Because I'm a bad mom. Ok, well... I may just be tired. Aha! I remember something...

After the Glass Episodes, Teagan has developed a twitch. A twitch that is cute, but eventually drives her mother to tears and curse words. When the subject of her owie comes up, Teagan says to whomever is listening, "Don't touch-a cups!!". Over. And over. And over. She's like the Rainman when she says it... over and over. Did I mention she says it over and over again?? She sounds very similar to a robot. Like yes, hunny. We get it. Your mother has beaten the rule that you shouldn't touch glass cups into you and you shall never forget it. Except I didn't beat her. No, really...

She also does that with other things. Like when we see the colors blue, red, or green. If she sees blue, she says "Jacobis-a-schoo" (translation: Jacob is at school) over and over. Red? "Teaganis-a-schoo" and green is "Mommy (or daddoo)-is-a-schoo". I have no idea why.
Strange strange child.

Speaking of school, I took Teagan there on Friday. Jacob and his classmates put on a mini-play for their parents (and weird sisters), and I thought Teagan would love to go. She loved it so much, she took her overwhelming affections out on Jacob, who was beyond mortified (in a good way though). She would run up to him, and give him this huge hug, and say "Aw, Jacob!" and just love him up. The pure joy on her face nearly brought tears to my eyes, and when I saw how sweetly embarrassed Jacob was, I really had to control the onset of tears that threatened to break loose. I don't usually get this emotional. Well... Ok I lied. I'm always emotional. But that's why you all love me, so I'm cool with it.

Speaking of emotional... I've been in a bad way here for awhile. My life is at a very important crossroads right now, and I have to admit that I am terrified. So terrified in fact, that I'm afraid that I will be paralyzed with that fear and not be able to do anything... which I know for sure is the WRONG choice right now. I want to be a midwife so badly... I want my family to be loving and supportive.. I want to be near all my friends... near Jason... all while being in a place that has plenty of opportunities for myself and the girls. Is that too much to ask for? I think not.
However, reality sets in and I'm realizing that I can't have it all. I am going to have to choose. And I don't wanna.

More on that later. Ever's awake!